i thought you were my twin....but you were my double...

king lear with his daughters
snow white and rose red
sister lover
peas in a ipod
yeah sweden
yeah
im just not a mono zygotic kinda guy
yeah the pine trees
yeah the long evenings
yeah the vikings
yeah the neutrality
yeah the swedish language
yeah the nobel prize
yeah volvo n abba
yeah but no fjords (thats norway)
yeah the venice of the north
yeah snow and ice
yeah the blondes
yeah the blue eyes and skies
yeah sweden not switzerland
dont mix em up
sweden pop 9 million
currency : the swedish crown
700 hundred crowns (kronor) for a hundred yanqui dollars
capital stockholm (island of logs)
pop 1.5 million
hennes n mauritz
eriksson phones
saab stories
the archipelago baby
the summer houses
the moose
the weasels
the mosquitoes
the adders
the song birds
the dark long winters
the austerity at the heart of the olde days
ingmar bergman....the weird summer light
the seventh seal
carolinska institute
max von shadow
benny and bjorn
schnapps
faaaan
yeah august strindberg
life is a dream play
yeah odin n asgard
yeah thor n loki
yeah the polar circle
yeah lappland
yeah reindeer
yeah fishing thru a hole in the ice
yeah hammarby
yeah sodermalm
yeah malmo
yeah martin kraal (my name is neo not andersson)
yeah all them dead junkies
yeah all them olde hippies n commies
yeah the baltic sea
yeah arlanda airport
yeah tack sa mycket
yeah hej hej hej
c'mon
its sweden baby
can you dig it?
can you handle it ?
can you handle 4 hours of pale daylight
can you handle the cold brown lakes
can you handle the still morning mists
can you handle the right wing aryans
can you handle the 20 dollar baguettes
can you handle yourself with grace n dignity
yeah the prime minister olaf palme got assassinated
linger on yer pale blue eyes
oh my lovely daughters
what a lucky man
oh those cheekbones
oh those piercing eyes
oh that youth n glamour
bi lingual
buy now pay later
buy one pay for two
ah twins
one egg one sperm
it splits, right
a fluke
an accident
no one knows why
identical dna
identical in all but finger prints
not identical in mind or nature
where does this variation come from
yeah they do a lotta experiments with twins
yeah thats a good control
fascinating isnt it ?
wouldnt you love to have been a twin
one in a hundred births identical twins
like winning some kinda lottery
like winning some kinda prize
never alone...even in the womb
jostling for a position
who was born first
who is the good one
who is the naughty one
who are you
which one are you
are you elli
no im minna
are you minna
no im elli
cant you tell us apart
did your mother dress you in the same clothes
can you feel the others pain
can you read their mind
can you dig this crazy twin trip
all you singletons
all you one offs
all you only childs
elektra and miranda
agamemnon n prospero
the overbearing father
the king and the magician
men leer at lears daughters
many men
double yer money back guarantee
double yer chances
double yer double six
double or nothing
yeah scanda fucking navia
will you ever come here
will you ever see all this
will you ever grok it all, childe
me....i'm just the carrier of the chromosomes
me...i'm just some olde rocker with 2 sets of twins
i dont do things by halves
except in scarlet kilbey
who is twice as large as life on her own
the world couldnt contain 2 scarlets anyway
thank the lord she arrived as a single kiddo
surrounded by the stars
i am lucky
i am blessed
more than i deserve
more than i asked for
more than i can say
thats it aint it?
what more can i say
fascinating, is it?
its my life
my day equals your night
my year equals your 52 weeks
my children
mina barn
mes enfants terribles
my smorgasbord
my ombudsman
my sweden
my twins
my other twins
my lovely yanqui wife
my velvety voice
my springy knees
my thirty year old rock band
my hit single
my my my
who am i?
steve to you
steven to my family
daddy to my kids
that guy who owes us fifty grande to the tax-mann
that guy walking round bondi with all those girls
that guy with the shorts ...he looks like a beachlayer/brick-comber
gee hes prolific
gee hes lived an "interesting" life
yoga heroin show biz twins sydney stockholm delaware
music n painting n hanging about
takes from the rich n gives the poor himself
gives it all back in lyrics n musical notes
books of poetry
exhibitions and gigs and a night in a nyc jail
a dopey olde pothead
loved by his fiendss
reviled by his detractors
a rude kind brilliant dull man
now hes fat
now hes thin
now hes young
now hes old
now hes back
now hes gone
who am i?
i am who you say i am

summer of love

sk n nk

we stayed in this lovely little flat
on the edge of the city
on the edge of the forest and the lakes
the doodles were only 2
the place was called hammarby
the sky was always as blue as blue could be
the clouds were only white n fluffy
the gentle skandic sun shone down like a warm warm friend
the house had only one bedroom
where the doodles slept
my wife and i slept on a huge bed
which took up the whole dining room
we looked out our window onto a hill of rock and ferns
and trees and birds and in the early morning hours fog
there were no phones no computers no worries
no one was looking for us
no one minded what we did
and we roamed to the lakes
and we roamed thru the forests
sometimes with elli n minna
sometimes with martin kraal
upon whom all four of my daughters seemed to have a crush
we picnicked down by the shores
n we swam in the deep cold water
the kids ate ice creams and played in the sand
and the sun shone on until 10 oclock at night
and i cooked dinner and served it on our little balcony
there was a huge huge field
that contained a swimming pool and little patches of forest
there were swings that swung by themselves
and days that melted so slowly into night
and the doodles played on in the sandpit outside the shop
and the iranian man inside was so nice
even tho his arranged marriage had gone awry
and huge hot air balloons floated overhead
and a circus set up in the field
and an ice cream van delivered ice creams
and we walked to sickla strand
through the fields of raspberries
and more forests
and more little bridges
and more ducks n waterfowl
and more lilies and reeds and bullrushes
and the wind blew so lazily
that lovely swedish summer breeze
that intoxicates men with a single breath
and we set up our game on the little sandy beach
and afterwards we drank cold danish beer n ate swedish pizza
and french fries
we walk home hand in hand
watching our lovely children growing up
all tanned by the kinder northern sun
there was no tv to speak of
there was hardly any music
and our entertainment was love
and time stopped
in our dining room
created our fleeting masterpieces of love
we created our roles
and we lived our parts
and the world did not intrude
and we loved loved loved
in the quiet nights
in those foreign strange northern summer nights
still balmy still warm still imagining
like days from a film
like days from a romantic book
like days from a dream
we lived and loved and learned to love more
i did yoga in the sunlight
as the three girls slept
and scarlet kilbey was not even a twinkle in the universes eye
and sometimes a neighbour would drive us to another lake
and we'd picnic in the long grass
with thousands of other families
and the times were easy
yes
we let the good times roll
we relaxed right back into the moment
we were there alright, werent we
today me n martin retrace our steps
i go back to that old street
i see that old house
i see the swing that swung by itself
i see the river and the hill
and the trees
and the blue blue sky
we jump in the water
a lovely temperature
we swim around
we walk around
catch the train back into the city
ah....
if only all my other girls were here......

swedish nouns n verbs

me n minna again

sleep like the dead
wake up n feel fucking awful
depressed a little anxious n achey
i do my long overdue washing in the basement with minna
minna who is more like her mother goes out of her way
to make me feel comfortable n feel welcome
elli who is more like me is casual n aloof
oh i want to hold her and be her dad so badly
but her demeanour does not encourage it
she is something like a swedish 18 year old me in spades in some ways
both girls are unbelievably gorgeous
graceful slender and with lovely accents
minna talks too fast...she always has
people say she is new york n elli is l.a.
one can see the validity in that
i havent seen either of them for a year
how strange....
i saw my dad everyday
neither of them are particularly interested in my music
or in my touring
or in my "fame"
minna vaguely complains (in a lighthearted way)
about church fans contacting her on her facebook n myspace
if youre thinking about it
you'll get short shrift from em
especially elli i would imagine
who already seems to have that certain weariness
that some beautiful girls/women carry
theyve already heard it all before
and they dont wanna chat about their old man
i tell you truly
they are no more interested in the church
than i was interested in "les kilbeys service"
and they quickly tune out if i talk about it
minna shows me a new program called spotify
which enables you to listen to almost any song you can think of
but not download
we listen to some old supremes n bee gees etc
minna n i and an australian friend of theirs staying here
go out to see a photo exhibition on one of the islands
a huge yacht sails under a bridge as we walk over
people lie on the deck suntanning n drinking
i yell out
"hey, hows the recession going?"...but no one except me laughs
we stop in kungstradgarden for sandwiches n juice
and the kids quiz me about my misadventures with drugs
i tell em
DONT TAKE ANYTHING!
sadly both elli n minna smoke cigarettes
i seem powerless to dissuade them
so i just have to live with it i guess
but....how fucking stupid.....smoking...sigh
all my kids do well at school n i'm very proud of them
i'm sure they will have bright futures
if the tertiary life is what they want
i havent been the best dad...ha ha..what an understatement
to you lot
who read my blog
im some mercurial songwriting bohemian geezer
to my kids
i'm an olde broke hippy
they see once in a blue moon
well you reap what you sow
and i guess this is what ive sown
yes
i reckon they will " come around " eventually
but karin raised these kids on her own (and her husband gorm)
(who is a very cool bloke!)
and the girls treat me with some caution
they are immersed in fashion n texting n goss mags etc
i see in the latest swedish goss mag
that beckham is now rooting angie jolie
THEY WISH!!
the two greatest goss royal fambleys colliding...
???
nah...i dont believe it...
a thousand goss mag editors must be in paroxysms of delight
now we need obama to run off with camilla parkyer-bowels
and all hell will break loose
in aust little evie starr is throwing off the flu
but the others getting it
i fear for my wife n lil sk
I COULD NOT BEAR TO LOSE THEM!!!
i hope that they can get thru this till i get home
in just over a week
i'm not missing touring at all
in fact i am so sleep deprived
it was a relief to stop
i had been sleeping 4 or 5 hours a night
sometimes less
and a crazy fucked up brain like mine needs its respite
stockholm is a wonderful city in summer
its denizens are seemingly wealthy n healthy
and many of the men n women are statuesque n good looking
the food is shockingly expensive
i pay 20 u.s. dollars for a tomato roll (i chucked the cheese away)
and a bottle orange juice
20 dollars!!!!
how do they afford it...?
the city is quite empty (and the crystal burns)
and i hope to visit their summer house
almost all swedes have a summer house
and believe me
summer in the country or in the islands here is idyllic
if only there was no winter n summer was not so short...
but thats like life aint it?
and thats like kilbey too
always wanting the easy without the hard, isnt it?
the tour already seems an eon ago in my mind
in australia
i am doing another kev carmody gig in brisbane
a benefit in melbourne for my dear friend sam sejavka
and then the choich do some acc gigs round newcastle
(hey david.r..i bet i can getcha front row seats
if the ATO aint slung me in jail first)
then some proper shows round chrissy
...in adelaide and perth too...!
meanwhile we have" down to the cardboard" in the wings
a project marty n jorden brebach finished off
a mysterious "krautrock instr. album"
you may have heard bits n pieces slyly played before n after our gigs
marty watching me listening "steve...whats this?"
me : "i dunno ...but its fucking good, man"
marty with smirk " its "down to the cardboard"
i look forward to hearing the whole thing...
yes yes
we also have hours n hours of live footage
surely one day a new live dvd will emerge
but dont ask me when
not my department...
it may surprise you all to know
i do not call all the shots
but i dont
n i gotta shrug n say
i dunno
when asked bout this n that

ok
a few things
will the people who said they have" a christmas story" contact my gmail
there it is at the top of the page
i will give you instructions on where to send it (i'll barter something)
dont send stuff to karmic hit for me thanks

second
dont forget about the boxed set
its available at my art web site
thats just on yer right there
it contains a cd of me raving on blogg-style
against instrumental music
and 19 high quality prints from my pittsburgh exhibition
strictly strictly limited
kudos to holly who hand assembles them n who actually
put the whole thing together
kudos again to kim c-h who did the graphics
if you like my bloggs
n you wanna hear me ranting n carrying on
this is an item for you

third
no use writing nasty stuff
i'm not printing it
I'M NOT EVEN READING IT>>>SO DONT BOTHER
first bit of unconstructive bullshit and bang
i hit delete
i cant handle it
so go bother bono...eh?

as for the rest
i dont know how i feel
i go up n down
n round n round
i wonder when i'll finally grow up....if ever
thats it for today
its 12 30 at night here in sweden
no midnight sun
but lovely warm weather
a fine fine evening
i drop round n visit my old friend mark
who i only known for thirty years
hopefully catch up with martin k tomorrow or soon

ok my fiendss
from the venice of the north
(thats stockholm, you fools)
much love
sk

sverige

me n minna

arrived in sweden
u.s. airways : terrible
terrible food
terrible conditions
terrible flight

elli has pneumonia
minna n i have quorn cutlets for dinner
we walk around
so tired
i could sleep n sleep for weeks n weeks

weather is nice
stockholm is beautiful
but i am so weary now
thats it for today i guess
long blog tomorrow
love
sk

king hit

well
that fucker kilbey
known for his legendary rudeness
finally gets his comeuppance
thats ryan cst sorting me out
thats my lovely wife
thats my lovely kids
thats my lovely life
leaving the u.s. today
i love the u.s.
i love america
i love americans
there i said it
my wife n my doodles are yanks
and i love em
i love this fair country
n i appreciate its appreciation of me
things have gone wrong for the u.s.
(and me)
but we have hope
we have belief
a lotta hospitality
i would like to thank the following people
patti hood n mike
dan charleston n his groovy sons
hot toddy
belfrank
wade n moksha
ryan n tomoko
the guys at the peak radio station
the guys at kcrw
the guys at triple door in seattle
my friend marty h in pittsburgh who is so kind
jeffrey cain my dear mate n isidorian
andy le goose who put me n pete up last nite
marc geiger
lloyd n church army
brian smith who looks young beyond his years
kevin l k who is generosity IN WORD AND DEED
kevin n n z
the amazing people who have subscribed to my blogge
holly jordan who is the core of my sanity
kimbo chestney-harvey for her belief in my art
ernst kokky for being him
all the crews around the us
who were helpful cheerful n professional
matt mack haffie....you slay me n i love ya
the audiences who were always superb
davida milkes who is kind and good always
jorden brebach...i love that man so much
tim powles for his deep friendship n drumming
peter k for his devilish advocacy n guitar
marty mwp for his HARD HARD work n guitar
tiare for keeping things going n keeping mwp sane
becksy for being my favourite old woman
("get out of it kilbey..i'll do yer ironing!!")
craig wilson the human squirrel
he fell in love every five minutes
and is the nicest young bloke you could ever meet
a product of a good upbringing..a real gentlemen
adam n lee n mikey from the bolts of melody..anytime
stephen judge our rec co merch man..diamond geezer
trevor johnno johnstone
church lighting man for 23 years..our foot in reality
everyone who has been so nice n kind
will let yas know how evie is faring
i ask jesus vishnu and whoever else is out there
to preserve my fam
they are all i got
n i love em more than fame or success or money
i like to thank the readers whove responded so warmly to my tales of woe
i like to thank molly the tour dog for being cool
i like to thank the universe for giving me another chance
i like to thank john t my attorney in so cal for shaking those bastards up
to dave r my accnt in newcastle for being there for me
(last 2 guys for their FREE services)
booby lurie n his EXCELLENT book
my buddy ricky ticky tavi...david neil will live on!
anyone i forgot?
sorry
the u.s. is a fine place
i love it here
so sad to leave
please gimme reasons to come back...soon
i love everyone out there for well wishes
see you from sweden
will post pics of twills when i arrive
outta time
leave at 5 30 tonite
think of me
out there
on my own
with all my thin skinned panic
with my blurry eye
my ringing ears
my poor olde worried mind
whatta life!
whatta planet!
whatta amazing crazy joke
fiendss
keep the faith
i will be back
with my beasts
verysoon
sk nyc july 15 11 am 2009

new york new york

arrive in ny
ring nk
she says evie possibly maybe has swine flu
oh no
feel so worried
beside myself
2 people die in nsw just today
please lord vishnu
protect and preserve my family
i entreat you
sk ny
12 30

night rider

darkness falls
we drive to nyc
its 921 at night
its about 70 degrees
peter k is driving
i ate a baked potato for dinner plus cole slaw
the baked beans had ham in em....
my glasses are slightly busted
thats why theyre crooked
trucks rush by us in a whoosh
ulster service area
sunoco
starbucks
its cold in here
i should be home in the warmth of my home
should be sitting in my room
waiting for nk
should be in my studio painting
should be on by now...
we bump on
hard to type under bumpy conditions
more later

in the country

alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5358460461043186946" />


driving to nyc
about 3 hours out
just leaving albany
where we picked up our trailer
will stop soon for food and fuel
morale ok...
grooms rd
waterford
crescent
vischer ferry

park n ride
halfmoon
exit 40 mph
town of clifton park
cobble pond farms
instant games
coors light 30 packs 20 .99
atm
soups salads subs snacks
ez pay only
ramp 35 mph
lane ends 1/4 mile
we speed on into the late afternoon
or is it early evening
tonite peter n i crashing at andy le gooses
in little italy
we cruise down the verdant beltways
more later

in the green lands of the north

back in the usa baby
yeah
blogging live from a van speeding down the road
ooh i get vertigo writing n moving
i soul oscillating
i firmament bridge
i toll collector
i fellow traveller czech
i mossy station
no mr you wanted plattsburgh
its about five miles back that way
this is the end of this tour
the last ride
the end of this story
and the beginning of all others
corridor of trees
we drive towards green hills
and blue mountains
my last day in america for a while
port kent
ausable chasm
camping exit 35
food exit 35
gas exit 35
peru exit 35
bear swamp road
south 87
adopt a highway
(maybe you should just start with a path
work yer way up to a highway)
avalon cars
mysterious little green signs with just numbers
ausable forks
lake placid
exit 34
whiteface mountain
all-america city
keeseville
exit 25 mph
road work
essex county
augur lake road (wow thATS GOOD)

augur lake road
where you never showed
well i shoulda knowed
on augur lake road
augur lake road
well i'll be blowed
my head explodes
on augur lake road

a beautiful land think with the greenest trees
pines n trees i dont know
i dont know my american trees
but theyre magnificent
yeah
sure
what do i feel?
i dunno
hysterically happy then sad that its over
on my own tomorrow
just like a big boy
no more comfort in the bosom of a little gang
on my own
my oh my own
my own my oh my
hyde road
such gorgeous country
white houses in green fields
it could be scandanavia
but the air is ominous
the sky is grey and heavy
i the stranger is leaving
i tomorrow gone
in transit
disappeared in a tin tube portal
reappear in sweden next day
meet the twillies
see the difference between 17 n 18
westport
see a cosy house nestled in some trees
why couldnt i live there
oblivious of kilbey
who drives me mad
voice in another room : ah but then you wouldnt have nk...
slower traffic keep right
suddenly guilty for past thefts
everything affects me
i am superstitious
i am cautious in all things
no u turn
blue mountains
white clouds
dense foliiage
more later
sk

on the road

flying along in a van in quebec
if this is summer bebe
i hate to see winter
so we shoot along the road
the sky is ominous
the vegetation is lush and green
buildings posts wires buses motels
restaurants sheds complexes
flags trucks trees weeds rails
clouds birds fences
and plenty o road
road forever n ever
king road
we hurtle onwards thru a pale green blur
i can sit here
and still post my blog
this wonderful awful technology
wheres captain kirk
we already surpassed you
and we dont have all them coloured lights
the fields pass by
corn in the sun
sulky little brooks
languid rivers
a big big world
crows in the cold summer sky
yes its cold
im cold
here in this van the summer is bleak n grey
i sit wrapped in a blanket
a frail old so n so
a veteran of the rocknroll wars
the signs say travaux
region touristique
oest saint-nazaire
birds of prey flap overhead
becoming sleepy
more later

leaving quebec

yeah i sit here
who who who am i...
who hoo boo kay
i go down on roof top for refreshments
i purchase a soy latte after much l'argy-bargy francais
guys get over it n speak english
they act like its the first time they ever smelt the blood
of an englishman
10 hour drive to new yorky
the van i travel/drive in today has internet
maybe i can update this blog as i go
down the road
a live travellin' blog
as i ramble ramble skip n stumble
i fall i walk tall
life makes us all crawl
sooner or later
over the gate across the wall
i see the maisons n malls
i see the mile after kilometre after inch after dust
i remember the cans and the broken bottles
the old newspapers
ive read them all
im in them all
a child in a pram looks up n sees me on a bridge
will he remember me as a shadow when i have joined the dead
i pack up my belongings this hotel womb
i born i die every day
i see my children come into this world in wonder
i'm in awe of my wife who keeps me fascinated with her
even after 11 years
my daughter scarlet is some crazy joker with liz taylors looks
shes bad to the bone
all your humble scribes nastiest naughtiest inclinations
there it is all bundled up as lil sk
to carry on my blurred crusade...against what..
against not trying to make this world a more interesting place
theres a lot going on here
hey you should visit here
we got miracles and ghosts and invisibility
we got anything you want or cant see
i'm gonna do it
do it from wealth
do it from poverty
did it when young
did it when old
did it me
did it you
my fambley is pretty good
i dont really have to go far for entertainment
my house is usually vibrant with their racquet
my kids are kind to me
i appreciate that
eve and aurora hate to disappoint me
and usually they dont
they are polite and considerate
and everybodys happy to see em
i speak on phone to them
i tell scarlet i'll be home soon
yeah dad she says like a weary voter
whos heard all the promises before
eve n aurora get on the phone to ask for small gifts
aurora wants a dvd of a christmas story an american film
you cant get it in aust apparently
eve wants some more of these little rubber things
go on the top of pencils
BELL RINGS
oh uh
time to go
more from road later

the time being : an overview of things

well
here i sit in quebec city
feeling bereft
feeling lonely
feeling quite small
we did our final gig last nite
and tim
and trevor our lighting guy
and craig wilson our keyboards player
and jorden brebach our sound guy
and craig beck our guitar tech
and stephen judge our record company n merch man
have all departed
i feel kinda like a child in my irrational loneliness
suddenly no more long drives
me n tim sitting up the front
having long musical n philosophical arguments
we kept each other awake during them long hauls
them long halls of black night
after we'd played the gig
after we'd packed up
when you had gone home n was sleeping
me n tim n all the rest in our 2 vans
were speeding down the road somewhere
in the middle of nowhere
now its over
the fellowship dissolved
i always feel sad n panicky when tours end
tho in a couple of weeks
itll seem like it never happened.....sigh
anyway last night
a packed theatre full of all ages
part of art festival
on before us
2 local softish rock acts
the second playing with bras n panties chucked at them
n now hanging off the guitars
both acts were good in their own innocuous way
i guess
i was neutral
the first act got a riotous encore
from the packed house
we hit the stage
let me say
we had a blinder
we sounded
and played like masters
there were few mistakes
the changeovers were smooth
we were delicate
we were rough
we were just right
and guess what
a crowd of about 150 people stood down the front cheering
and
the rest
inexorably
one by one by two by one
left
they didnt stay n listen
people had bought tickets to the festival
and just come in to see the others
stayed out of curiosity
but sure enough
they left
the worst thing an audience can do
is leave...
by the time we finished
there was probably 80 people left
outta that standing room only crowd
the balconies long dark n peopleless
the sea of flashing lapel lights they were wearing
now an odd red glimmer
well
i was demoralised
we had played a blinder
and they left
the average random person there
other than the "diehards" had left
hadnt we converted one person there?
didnt seem like it
we are not crowd pleasers
we gave it our best
and they left
an audience cannot do a worse thing than leave
staying n throwing stuff is almost better
but they left
left right left right
left
right?
afterwards
i try to discuss this with others
turns into a bit of a heated discussion
contained but tense
the others dont appreciate my "pessimism"
n fair enough
i say its because of my voice
and they fiercely disagree
anyway it ended in jokes n smiles
pete n marty are still here
we have a day n nite off
in quebec city
anyway
my point is this
we do not impress a random bunch of people
everyone made many excuses for the audiences disappearance
it was monday tomorrow
the local guys were quite big stars
we were too loud after the softish other bands
we didnt speak french
blah blah blah
but if it had been an act with the x factor
the crowd woulda stayed
or at least a lot lot more
than were there at the end
i feel dejected over this rejection
i thought maybe by now
we wood be good
enough
to appeal to any bunch of western adults
but in quebec
they just didnt want it
they didnt get it
they just shrugged
n exited quietly
as they split
i became less n less animated
until by the end
i could hardly even bear to look up
i kept my eyes closed
and i stared at my bass
we still played great though
jorden had pulled a great sound
but i was sad to see our marginal utility
at such a low ebb...
the tour itself fills me with mixed emotions
the long drives were dangerous
i am sleep deprived n cant seem to make it up
i look haggard n old its true
but remember
i am old
i am fully my nearly 55 years
i see myself aging daily
the tour has left my nerves frazzled
i feel sad in a bad way
we played really bloody well
seattle
denver
detroit
new york
albany
foxboro
they were real good ones
the actual crowd numbers were slightly down in most places
nowhere did we make any real gains
we had 2 to 3 hundred most nights
of course
i am thankful for every single one of those people
but
if things continue to dwindle
one must concede that eventually
perhaps
it will not be possible to tour anywhere
anymore
unless ticket prices go up n up
as crowds slowly get smaller n smaller
until 50 people
will be paying 100 bucks each
to see us play
in some empty place
remedies? :
festivals to get exposure to bigger crowds ...
but last night shows
we are an acquired taste
we dont slay anyone who isnt willing to be slain
we are hypnotists that can only hypnotise
15 per cent of the people...
opening up for a big act the same deal
we tend not to pinch others crowds
its a historical fact
so i dont know...
i didnt make as much merch money as i had foolishly hoped
tho no one let me down
and the buyers were generous
we sold out early of certain items of mine
which would have generated me more income
had i had any acumen
but we ran out of stuff early on
and i missed opportunities
due to stupidity n bad timing
i fear i wont be returning home with too much of a swag
all of the figures wont be in for a while
but its not gonna be as good as i hoped or needed
i wont be rolling up in sweden cashed up
n able to do all the things i hoped with the twillies
you know, spoil em a little
because theyve had precious little of that from me
next i got the bad news last nite
(hadda take a xanny to getto sleep)
from my wonderful accountant dave
who does it for me gratis
that the tax office in aust
aint accepting my repayment scedule i have proposed
to pay em back at 1000 a month for 4 years
lord knows where i was gonna pull that 250 a week from
but i was gonna try
they say its not quick enough
hey i can see their point
but it would be impossible to pay anymore
when every thing in my financial world seems to contract
i dont know what they can do
the fact is i own nothing
ive blown it all in so many ways
its my fault
i am not asking for sympathy or advice
i am talking to you
because its too late to call australia now
and because it helps me to get this off my chest
if youre feeling sorry for me ..dont!
i really did cause this mess
it started long ago
i lost everything eventually
either thru heroin n then thru the crash after sept 11
i dont know what taxman will take
all i have is my four guitars
nothing else
a bit of furniture well used by children
no stocks no bonds no property
as a songwriter im one of the best
as a fiscally responsible person i am useless tho'
i have never defaulted on my taxes before
and i have always claimed honestly
i have never cheated em of dough
i have no credit card n no credit card debt
anyway
i fear being made "bankrupt"
tho i dont really know what that means exactly
i cant travel overseas? (great...thatll help em get the dough back)
a thing in the sydney morning herald classifieds
saying
steven j kilbee is now bankrupt
avoid his broke ass like the plague
anyhow
they literally cant get blood from a stone
so it'll at least be "interesting" to see how this plays out
i hope i am not forced to leave sydney
the fear of this plagues me
it would destroy me a little
i hope the taxman can be reasonable
a strange place that i stand in
typical steve kilbey
he created all this
he destroyed all this
ever my blessing
ever my curse
ok now im looking for a miracle
im looking for a big art prize
or a role in a film
or get a song in a movie
or i dont know what the fuck!
i feeling low
i am not printing nasty comments for a while
nor reading them even
so dont waste your time
with the "suck it ups"
i feel my very existence
and that of my fam is under threat
and i feel bad for them
because i mismanaged things
we had those two good years cos utmw
was on all those tv shows
i got the money
i neglected to put any aside for tax
and i/we splurged
after a few very lean years
it was stupid but natural
if i could play every night somewhere
i would
i would play or act or paint or read or talk
or whatever people wanted me to do
if i could
every nite of the week
but the demand does not exist
hardly any one knows or cares
how much i have improved
too little too late
the english press that powerful thing
for whatever reason
ignore us
the great reviews in aust n in the u.s.
have not really had much effect
but it #23 could be a slow long burner
god knows it does take a few spins to get into it
but when you do
who else can do that kinda thing?
a handfull of others on this whole planet
we are criminally underrated
we are criminally neglected
we blew it a long time ago
n we never recovered
i believe the future for the church is not necessarily all dark
our wonderful patron klk
has agreed to fund our next record
with generous funding to make it possible
thats a true bright light at the end of some tunnel
once again n not for the last time
i/we salute his generosity
all he gets out of it is satisfaction (sometimes but this time)
we are playing better than ever
we are fierce and hard n hungry n all the rest
yet still
they gradually left last night
we are not accessible to the hoi polloi
ok
tomorrow we drive to ny
next day week in sweden
thanks for hanging in there fiends
this has been a very honest report
i hope you can grok it
i hope it gives you some insight into my life
i hope it wasnt too much information
i tell it like it is
this is my journal
i am the time being