Being the diary of a certain Mr Kilbey
Jesus, Steve -- that's chilling. Excellent, but it sure sends a shiver down my spine.
Bloody Hell.......NOT SURE IF I WOULD HAVE THAT ON MY WALL...ANYWAY............SK, just forget about it...don't let it haunt you...It's over past tense.......Hmmmm Go easy......MD
This causes me immense pain...
Since your episode you seem apologetic. Repent cause the end is near? This painting is death. I kinda know how ya feel, my dad died at 45, ive had a couple of episodes myself.
more than a thousand words could convey. If only they could see a photo of you doing yoga backstage last week; a beautiful suntanned adonis in the backyard of The Factory, jumbo jets flying overhead, surreal and encouraging. A private moment cherished xxx
....you should burn this as a symbol of your getting through and past this horrible episode...love always.....
You're scaring me sk!mmm, yeah that would have been a lovely sight lilly :)love Amanda
Steve, you have Chiron at the First House of your map. Chiron is the "wounded healer". In your words, the problem AND the solution. The logic of poison given in the right proportions. Since yours is in the ego/identity's house, ego is both your wound and healer. Of course you chose to expose your self through your art (attempt to heal) but had to keep the mysterious aura and impossibly solid walls separating you from people (manifested wound) at the same time. It's like: "people, take the best part of me but don't ask me to be just me cause this is when I need to be somebody else". As a result, the sense of detachment you caused to so many people who came to you. In your art there is a persistent recreation of you. It's in your self-portraits (various situations, various faces), in Erskine and Neuman, in all the magicians (and charlatans), in your twin sister, in your dialogues with "Kilbey". (And a tale of a fascinating personality is fascinating both for you and other people). Yet you split in many and always manage to be only one. Above this incarnation you know there is your powerful spirit. This identity task is temporary for your spirit. And I know that, strangely enough, it's when your spirit takes control (it has been taking more and more each year) that your self comes through the best. But I also know that when you are capable of looking over it this task causes shame and anguish to your fragile spirit - sometimes so in love with this labour of figuring out the personality it assumed this time. I can really see your spirit apart from Kilbey now. And I can see how Kilbey complements this spirit just right. (Your indulgence in drugs is quite explainable: a way to leave Kilbey behind and allow your spirit to rise). But I'm sure you're achieving balance towards your Chiron issue since you began to open up your wound through the blog. It's no wonder there are so many incidents with abusers and psychos at the comments section. You'll always attract this 'cause your gigantic identity is an issue too apparent. Never expect everyone to welcome it or be soothing and understanding. You have many lessons to learn with your most ferocious critics by the way, darling virgoan. And certainly your blog represents a mission because your primary pain of ego, the greatest burden you bear (and some shallow people think it's all about being an arrogant bastard) - Chiron always speaks about something that appeared in early childhood so maybe you had a crucial experience regarding your sense of self when you were too young to notice - needs to become the source of healing for others. I can see you increased your impact in peoples lives through your daily experiences reinterpreted or straightforwardly put here and this is totally different from affecting them through your music ("it's really tragic how they needed the music"). I think sometimes you felt even more of a charlatan for being so much to people because of something that often came more from your spirit when all you could directly offer was Kilbey. (In fact, it's everything at once for the ones who can feel and match). But how do you feel now that you affect people by telling the story of... Kilbey? Ah, it's beautiful to witness your healing process, Steve, Kilbey, my kindred soul.One day I'll tell you about my Chiron (residing in the Second House: the house of finances). Ah, my energy so painfully oriented to money and stability. It's where I win much and lose much (ha), where I get imprisoned and released.
that's an awful looking experience, really disturbing but like all terrible events one must put them in some context. i had my brain injury a few years ago now, i can never be the same person that i was apparently, but maybe that's a good thing, i can't attach value to these events other than i am alive, healthy, able to laugh and lead a relatively harmless life most of which is spent in awe, those appear to be good things. i can't even recal the man that existed before but im told he was a lot more focused and determined, and he could hold a reasonable conversation. now i just like to look at clouds, listen to music and read, most of the time i have no idea what i am saying. some joker set my reset button and i came back with a new type of perception, some say they like me more now than before, others just get frustrated becuase i can't operate an electric toaster let alone identify the day or month or year. ultimately what i got was a lesson in humilty and a greater understanding of the important things in life. these things happen for reasons, whatever occurs outside is a reflection of within, ultimately the only thing we can all do as individuals is struggle to be compassionate, loving and true to who we are and it starts with the self. and once we meet those conditions we are tested just to make sure. yes god does have a sense of humour, well mine does.anyway i'm rambling and raving and aplogise if i'm not making sense, i do hope you don't dwell to long on the illness and embrace what you have brought back from it so that the community can heal as well, for this is the shamans journey. much respect
A kid could paint that..I could paint that
That is disturbing.Please take care of yourselfphysically and spiritually. xoxo
Great image, Steve. I love the jagged quality and the death-like palor. The translucent eyes really give the impression of a body out of control.Breath-taking.Brian
Good symbolism for Anchorage.
struth!your own deathmask.....yet still you live....not my favourite.
I think it's great, SK - a very valid expression of what you went through... nicely captured, fantastic rendering etc. To me - kinda the equivalent of a song off, say, P=A... but visualized. I'm all for expressing pain as well as joy in what I do too... it's a kinda necessary therapy.
self..... derision?..... self..... destruction?....rather distroy!!!!!
Steve??? man, i didnt know all this has gone on!.. my best to you and your family!.. i have epilepsy myself since 04... just out of the blue!...... its not easy to go through!.... sadly, now i cant use strobes at shows either for last 5 yrs!... hang in there! EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!...the senseless happy.
jesus, that's intense. creepy as hell. a vision i never hope to see. glad you're still with us, druid.
This piece is outstanding. Nice use of color and shape. I'd say this work constitutes yer Twelfth Labor.
Whoa. Visceral and scary to me. It captures a moment more than words even can, but if the seizure happened to me, I could not bear such a stark visual reminder. Glad to have you still here and kicking!
How eerily beautiful! The depth and simplicity compliments each other. It captivates and makes me think. It reminds of our own mortality, our ignorance, what we little we know beyond this dimension. I see hope in this. Where one phase ends a new one begins. A journey has begun.I hope you post more art! [^.^]
This is so disturbing I can hardly stand to look at it. I hope it was cathartic for you to create this.What's on your forehead? Some kind of cross? Or am I reading into it?denise
Ah, feeling like some brains killa?If its got to be a zombie i'll take odyssey and oracle anydaynah, s'good and spookyit captures what you described-glynnis
ouch esskay that hurts...
Man that is down right spooky! Really conveys what you went through very zombie-esque...:(
Yikes!! It's actually really good...in a morbid sort of way. You should keep it, not burn it(???), if anything to remind us all of how fragile we ALL are. It's a great expression of how you felt about the whole thing. I get it. I too have had the holy hell scared out of me, and it most definitely changes your outlook. You go, Kilbey. Do what you gotta do to deal with it. Just know that you are loved and cared about, by so many. Thanks for being every aspect of you, and try not to check out anytime soon. Cool?Ben
Oy vey... I leave town for a few days and look what happens! Seriously, though, I'm very glad to hear that you're alright. I have lived with a chronic illness for many years and know what it's like to be struck down. I also know how grateful I am for the time between episodes.As far as the painting goes, that's a very visceral image. Good to get that out, I bet. Have you ever seen Frida Kahlo's work? She had the ability to portray her physical and emotional pain in very direct (almost crude)images that are just surreal. Really digging the new church music. Take care.
Another display of Sk's artistic talent. I think the drawing is cathartic and profound.
the mummified remains or the death mask. the light gone out.but fortunately not today. today we live.
sinking silkand burning goldtouch you as the air is turning coldanother place i look for youthe heights above an almost perfect viewseeing things just rest awhileas the tide sweeps out another mileinside the manthe pleasure domethis is the world that I once called homestrangers in their naked skinwaiting for their sweet oblivionclose to youhear all you sayeven though you're continents awaythe perfumed airthe taste of fearshrug your shoulders and they disappeartake this gift and let it growlet it be all the hope you know
don't come to pieces in my handwhite stars reflecting dust and sandthat perfume makes methink of griefshake your faithshake your beliefwho's there to say we're living this momentfeels like i'm in a playthe sets and the props of thissmall apartmentseem to be fading away soi wander through these roomsi feel the orbit of the moonsand i dream what i've becomeand all's forgotten by the sun
I fell asleep for a whileI couldn't help itI've beenpushing myself to the end even fastertaking fewerbreaksI dreamt while I sleptEdward was in my dreamNeither of us had really ever left the insane asylumWe just sat there in matching straitjackets in uncomfortable chairsfacing each otherWe were surrounded by huge orange-red-andblack mushroomsThe sight of their amber gills above usslowly breathing in and out in a sussuratingmimicry of conscious lifewas strangely calming to me"Where have you gone?" I asked him"Underground," he said."What did you find there?" I asked."Acceptance, everlasting life, and mushrooms," he saidand smiled.It was a lovely smile. It radiated outwards to suffuse his entire face in a golden light."Is that all?" I said. "Was it worth it? Did you have to give up anything?""My fear. My consciousness. My former life.""What was that like?""Do you rememberthose trust exercises they made us do? Where one of us would fall into the arms of the other and you just had to fall and keep falling and believe they would catch you?""It was like that?""It was like that. Except imagine falling for ahundred years before you're caughtlooking at a black sky full of dead stars in front of youand the abyss at your back.""You're dead," I said. It wasn't an accusation."Probably," he replied.
once I had a nameforgotten nowi breathed the air in a century of wonderi can hear it now in the darkness of the earthgorgeous machinesthe sound they made like thundergreat gardens drip honey-jewels and bright birdsthe pageants pass down avenues of splendorah, long afternoons by enchanted lakesupon elephantsso well I do rememberlords and priests and talking beastsgolden calves and telepathscrystal skulls and screaming gullswomen glowed tattooed with woadcolored mists and amethystsmen were strong and days were longdragons glide on mountainsidemandrake root and angel fruitsighing winds on silver skincreation transubstantiationunicornselectric stormstunes and runeswe laughed till noonsweet releaseeternal peace
wow this isn't what i meantwhen i wrote'i hope your paintingsomething beautiful'however....its obviously what's going on right now...god i wish i could ease your suffering :(i really feel for you...xoo
absolutely fabulousa letting go of ownershipit does not own me !!!it was part of me now i am nnot going to become ITI'm am going to be meKILBEY
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