sometimes i run aground
ive been feeling a little unloved
i wonder if all those people have left the blogge?
nope its gone up in the ratings
i mean i'd be really happy if the unrepetent carnivores had gone
and i'd acquired a loada vegs
but to tell you the truth
i dont really know exactly what i was trying to do
i just couldnt believe that they could be so blase
so "get on with something else, then!"
in the face of great tragedy
people say these animals have no voices
but yessaday mwp sent me article from bbc
about an african parrot living in london
with a 950 word vocabulary
who strings articulate phrases n answers together!
imagine if the beasties
are much cleverer than we imagined
(not that cleverness should be a yardstick for slaughterability!)
and its just their misfortune to not have the right vocal chords mouth n teeth
to speak our lingo...
to be able to say
please dont kill me...
for some strange reason this parrot
has learned english and demonstrates that animals can "think"
now those piggies gotta be as intelligent as the parrot or what...
and thats another thing that pisses me off
birds in fucking cages
how very obscene n typical human thoughtlessness
the girls downstairs have a parrot
and i see him in his cage looking out at the tree in the garden
thats full of the same kinda birds as him
only they are eating berries n squawking n flying hither n thither
poor old "maxie" is sitting in his cell doing solitary for life
so the girlie can occaisionally look at his pretty feathers
maxie, if you were a sparrow youd be free, olde son....
and heres another thing
yessaday im working on my portrait commission
and ya know what
its looking good
doof doof doof doof doof doof
coming up thru flawboards like a pounding headache
like a throbbing toothache
drowning out n negating the music i was listening to softly
i turn up my music
but it dont drown out the sub bass stab of that doof doof doof
in my own painting room...
oh no it isnt fair
suddenly i fucken snap
ive smoked a big strong joint
and im not feeling up to argy bargy
but this is too much
and after all the restraint
i show day n night to tread as quietly as possible
on these wafer thin boards
(ooh thats quite poetic!)
and to restrain doodles n la bumper from going crazy
leaping hopping n jumping around
and keep the tv down etc etc
especially in the morning when they sleep in...
any way i go charging outta the door
my head full of phrases like ..uh...
i dunno...stern authoratarian things..
and i knock knock knock at door
yes comes a little voice
yes its me i say
(which is incorrect english...
i should have said" it is i")
one of the girls appears
then the other
then the brother
now although ive looked at these guys plenty
this is the first time ive seen em
and immediately my suspicions are confirmed
3 extremely polite well brought up kids
eager n anxious to please me
thats pretty fuckin' loud sub bass you got there mate
its coming up the floor n using my room as a reverberation chamber
the kids are falling over emselves to ameliorate the situation
theyre very friendly n happy people
theyre not the sharpest knives in the drawer...but neither am i..
we talk a little about late nights n loud music
we talk about the doodles runnin around n bumper crying
gee i like these kids
i dont like their music
i loathe their barby-qs
i dont appreciate their late hours n noisy entry
but they themselves have confounded me again
expecting an angry confrontation
i discover some naive young kids in their 1st ever apt.
eager to "do the right thing"
look i say
when its too loud i'll stamp on the floor
but youll know its not ,like, an angry "how dare you!" stamp
its just me going knock knock down there ..thats a little loud..
then i cant resist it
nk told me shes heard the utmw doof doof playing down there
hey i say
ya know that utmw doof doof
yeah they say
craig obey vs the church says the boy
well guess what im the church!
they look at me harder consider my speaking voice..
i sing a little to help em along...
they break into very aussie
i dont believe it....
did you play on that song?
i fucking wrote it baby!
i leave the kids happy n excited
that theyre livin under a big olde celeb -ritty
their 1st apt in the bigsmoke
and theyre livin under whatsisname
from that group somebody sampled for a doof doof
as i walk up the steps thinkin
well thats that
i hear to my dismay that doof doofs going again
fractionally less bass
so theyre clever little bastards
got me likin' em now
but doof still going
anyway after all that
los doodles stupidos had some frends over for a "playover"
and they went fucking nuts
screaming the bumper is a vampire
screaming at the top of their lungs
and stamping stomping and stampeding
like a herd of bewilderbeasts on jumping beans
they commandeer the karaoke machine
yelling n distorting the mikes
i keep jumping up n threatening em
im gonna ring these kids parents n tell em to come n get em
i blather at em
but the chaos remains unabated
scarlet gets so worked up
shes runnin round yelling at the top of her lungs
my godd shes got a piercing voice
sorta like cilla black if you can remember her
eves getting all hot n sweaty running about
and aurora is quite gung ho about defying me
she seems to have taken control of todays gathering
and shes calling the shots and totally, brazenly
ignoring my pleas for a little reduction in the mayhem
eventually i come running in anger out of my room
due to a caterwauling and an insistent stomp stomp stomp
(the people downstairs surely musta fled in horror by now!)
aurora has the mike n shes "entertaing" the other kids
by bawling into the mike accompanied by a heel going
into the fllor boards ...hard!
the bumper so geed up from the bigger kids by now
is running round in circles
like a baby hippo
and shes bawling along with aurora
nk is sitting there on sofa
shrugging with her hands iin the air
the kids see me come up behind aurora
whos doing just what i been begging her to stop doing
i kick her in the arse
not too hard of course
but its a kick
the rest of the kids break into applause
aurora turns round with her famous "why i oughtta ..." frown
the bumper pauses to say dad dad dad
and im back at my painting for half a second
before it starts up again
did fuckin da vinci work under these conditions
i ask you
the mirror smashes
one hundred fragments
of me and you
1 the this n that
2 overcast silver
3 golden blaze
4 pointillistic leaves
5 still life in motion
6 early days yet
7 caravan down coast
8 in the car
9 during the trip
10 something you saw
11 turn off long ago
12 further afield
13 the flowers in the shadow
14 river bed
15 rockpools surface ripples lucidly
16 afternoons all swallowed
17 afternoon becomes morning again
18 morning becomes another afternoon
19 days fly by, moments pass like eons
20 dont stop there
21 middle way to heaven
22 remember yourself too
23 buckled knees and trembling hands
24 more where that came from
25 yes but can we drink it?
26 over a quarter the way there
27 seems like yessaday
28 reminds me of..
29 somepeople you wish you could forget!
32 are these really the fragments or just numbers?
33 jesus age
34 the little thorns on the gooseberries
35 tangled roots that seem to come up outta the earth
36 the conch the mace the disc n the lotus
37 watch it!
39 the restless wind
40 the downy mildew
41 the rabbit like children
43 rare quality at the price
44 unit in unanderra
45 the blackberry fields long gone
46 days from another time
47 churning the sea
48 turning the tide
50 made it
52 no going back now
53 all the way home
54 my backs hurting
56 sonic anathema
57 more later
58 lonely planet
59 sordid isnt it?
60 tell me this isnt too late
62 closer n closer
63 straight is not "straight"
64 for all the folks at home
65 for grace
66 for amelioration
68 running out of steam now
69 lust...of course
70 wisdom is just around the corner
71 relax its just static electricity
72 deep in the shallows
73 but no minnow
74 turn of the light
75 putting up with putdowns
76 that weird feeling in my stomach
78 speed wobble
79 black cat crossed my path
80 significant...but why
81 it begins
82 kuala lumpur ambassador hotel
83 will not be missed
84 magicians mysterious sleeves
85 still alive
86 large door (say it in french!)
87 jet a door (ditto)
88 mango n womango
89 are you still there?
90 change the ribbon
91 water meters and the fire escapes
93 things get murky from here on in
94 the kraken awakes
95 the great god pan is dead
96 a room with a fan
97 the engine boils
98 sturm und drang
99 a split second and...