im flexing my electoral muscle here...
i been called in as a numbers man...
my good friend zoe mcdonell
needs you to click on this address
and vote for her
so she can win this competition
and the ole time being can bathe in the reflected glow
of her wonderful success
and i'll be able to say
wow i knew someone who won 1st prize..
course..she probably wont talk to me after she wins it
winners are like that ive found
everyones a winner
everyone loves a winner
every child player must win a prize
and since im not supposed to grin
all we gotta do is win...
low after the winter
loser these vessels are full
drop between drop of moonshine
slipping on the surface of our day
they used to tell us at bully high
that it didnt matter if ya blah blah blah
it was the way you played the blah
but quite patently
they signalled the exact opposite
say what you like ...winning counts
i won an aria award once
a long time ago
i didnt turn up n collect the useless thing
if you accept an award then you confer power
on whoevers giving it to you
"i accept this award from you who are entitled to give it"
in this case
the people giving the awards
are a collection of greasy aussie music biz leaches
ex-journalists n talentless parasites
i only accept awards from my peers
and i didnt see my fuckin peers givin any out...
i aint gonna legitimize this crooked music biz scam
perpetuated by useless biznessmen who cant play a note
big fat wineslurping self congratulatory bores
getting their ugly faces in the "trades"
with their latest identikit signing
no thanks boys
i laugh at yer fucking awards n halls of fame
you think youre gonna tame us artistes with a plastic trophy
"aw thanks i hereby give up my integrity
to shake hands with this steak n wine monster
and accept this pathetic token
which means nothing
and is worth zilch"
gee i believe im ranting again
awards night is anathema
AVOID AVOID AVOID!
how you ever gonna take me seriously
if you see me accepting something from a tuxedoed "straight"
"oh thank you to the wonderful music bizness
for this lovely statuette
designed n made in homebush
out of real plastic
now i dont mind that
i never receive my royalties
now i dont mind that youve thought
of many ingenious ways to withhold my money
and blind me with paragraphs n lawyers
and basically youre living it large
and all us fuckin minstrels are strugglin'..."
i guess im digressing
i do that all the time
being of my peculiar nature
i abhor awards myself
this aint an award or a reward
its a prize
and my friend deserves to win it
and goddamn it, commenters
subscribers n patrons
i aint ever asked much of ya before...have i?
but im asking ya now
im coming to ya on my cyber hans n neese
im saying if you love liberty
if you love fairness
if you love a blue sky
and real artists with red artistic blood
and you love our fair country
and you love our waye of life
and fresh air n clean water
then i charge you...
i command you
if she wins
if she can tip some less deserving artist out of number one...
some artists who doesnt even know ...ME...(!?)
if she can achieve her destiny of winning this prize
this glittering prize off on a clear day
then i know
we can all sleep safe in our beds
that justice has been done
that youve played your part in changing this world
you stood up n said
im voting for young ms z
and there aint nothin' the republicans can do about it!
fuck stalin n hitler n genghis khan...my votes for zoe m
how will you be able to face yerself
if some other less deserving artist wins this prize
how will you look yer grandkids in the eye
when they ask ya
grandpa or grandma...
why didnt zoe win?
make it happen fiendss
the whole future of art
could be in yer hands
yer trembling hands....
what are ya waiting for?
havent i convinced ya yet?
why are you still reading this...?
reading this bit instead of voting...
havent you been listening..
dont you want to avert a natural catastrophe...
could zoe not winning this affect global warm-upping
is zoes current 2nd status the reason for increased mid-east tensions?
what kinda world am i leaving to my kidss?
will i be happy if i check into a hotel
and zoes weird fabric art isnt all over my room?
look this about more than just art
its about so much that...
im dwarfed and humbled to even...
look the implications are huge
will you yourself gain or profit from zoes win?
ITS VERY VERY LIKELY!!
just yesterday a lady emailed me
she said i voted for zoe
and i turned around and there was the hope diamond
on my kitchen table...
another man wrote to me and said
ive always wanted to be a doctor
but my grades were lousy
yesterday however i voted for zoe mcdonell
and 1 minute later
the royal college of surgeons offered my a position
operating on peoples brains!!!!
good on yer zoe!!
you see fiendss
you never know till ya try it..
and yer gotta be in it for zoe to win it!
now come sunday
if a certain disappointed artist is knocking on my door
weeping n wailing n gnashing her teeth
saying oh killer oh killer
i did not win...
then just remember
i know some of your addresses
and im gonna send round the cherch roadies to visit
and they dont muck around
the cherches aussie roadcrew
seems miss zoe lost...
and the killa reckons you should be "sorted out"
(sound of door being kicked in)
y'all know what to do..
do it for justice
do it for the environment
do it for posterity
do it now!
click on the linky