ok ok ok
so uh
yessaday
you unnerstand fiends
im in the studio
im a strumming my geetar n singing
when the young n rather naive engineer
motions to me to come into the controlroom
"ah steve theres someone outside to see ya!"
who is it, sunshine? i ask
"some olde guy" says the 'neer
n then he looks up n has a good deco
at my white n bristly beardie
"...i mean, even older than thyself" he mumbles
i stand there puzzled?
who do i know whos older than me?
joycie bennett....gee there arent that many others..
"hes american" offers the young engineer helpfully
american? oh wow
this is interesting..
"..hes got straight silver hair..." he says
tom verlaine!!!!
oh wow its tom verlaine
suddenly a large figure strides into the control room
gee tom has put on weight...a real lot
but his hair is real nice now....
hang on...waiddaminnit..jus' lemme c
that aint tommy milfigur vermont
its ...
no it couldnt be
its...
"steve? im donald! call me donny r!"
no way
i mean
not the ex minister for war n death...?
what the hell...?
"lemme explain mahself"
said donny r in a brandy n cigar voice
and he sat down heavily
clutching his geetar case
"ya see i lost mah fucking job last week
and i look in the mirror
an i say donny yer still a fine lookin' guy
yer silver hair looks pretty good
a lot fuckin' better than eltons rug transplant
all that boyish hair on top of that silly old face
an billy joel .....ha!
and you know
i got the contacts
wanna play turkemenistan, boys...?
an' you know
i aint just a gunslinger
im a geetar slinger too
and my motto?
make love and war baybee..
so ok you square cats
lets boogie woogie...!"
but donny i said very confused
whatcha doing here in botany with the chrunch?
"ah ha ya see i been thinkin bout a change in direction
for a while now"
donny confided in his big important voice
"and theres 3 things i know about rocknroll:
there are those who rock
there are those who do not rock
there are those who might rock
and then
there are those who rock
but neither we or them know it!"
but donny thats 4 things i said
"any way...."
says donny , giving me a furious glance
"i been looking for a band i could join
and i kinda hoped that after i had keith pushed outta his tree
i might get the job of rhythm guitar in the greatest rocknroll band
in the world...but the little bugger recovered
so i need to join a band where the guitarists have gone awol.."
but pete n marty aint gone ......awol....
suddenly i swallowed
the awful truth was dawning somewhere in my heart of hearts
"no, aint they?" smiled donny r with a twinkle in his rheumy eye
then i remembered
id gone round to get mwp in paddo that morning
a fucking no show
then out to the airport waiting for pk to get off his plane
nada, nothing
no luggage
not a trace
tim n i tried to ring em
we got a weird message from both their mobiles
a kinda white noise n some machine clicking..
but why the fuck didja choose us.i asked almost in tears
well i just googled mah name n the phrase space rock
and ya came up from yesterdays blog
and w
said as a last favour take the prez jet down under
and visit the boys
n
see what y'all can work out
and then w says
my little pal howard the coward
says theyre gonna be changing to a republic soon
and under the milky way gonna be a shoe-in
for national anthem
so yer in on a good thing donny!!
....anyway here i am
and im ready to fucking rock!"
the silverhaired warmongering old space rocker
pulled out a black les paul with gold fittings
plugged it into a marshall amp
he dipped his hand in his pocket
and pulled out a bloodred geetar pick
the donny r logo emblazed in silver like his hair
"a present from the boys at halliburton"
he chuckled to himself
then quickly tuned up the guitar
"check this out, boys"
he launched into a scorching riff
a macine-gunnin', divebombin', napalmhurlin howl of pain
tp and i looked at each other
youre in
i said
donny looked up from his fretboard
"you wont regret it" he grinned
he picked up a joint from the ashtray
n sparked it up
"and boys...?" he said in that deep croaky voice
"I fuckin' inhale...!!!!"
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60 comments:
whoah!! Sunday morning going down...this tale of (gulp) rock horror is the fisrt thing I read today sunday am with ma pot o tea....great yarn sk, glad it aint bed time.
Yeah? Well, fuck it all!
When I was a child I was full of respect for the grown-ups. And now that I`m a grown man myself with children I see that these pricks who run the world are sick, demented retards with absolutely no insight, compassion or love. Instead greed and ego rule! The schoolbullies run the world, God help us all! Stupid cowardly shitheads in black suits and ties and VERY short hair. Jeezez!
you need another geetar playa so donny can go back to back with him onstage for some rippin' hammer on solos.
maybe GW can set that up? i wonder who he'll send you next???????
OJ needs a gig...
hmmm...monkey wrench
always thought, "man if i wasn't this, i would be a rocker.." the next life, maybe? maybe not.
i don't hear things so well i see them better visual and conceptual space are my domain. i do appreciate what i hear remember, music reaches and wakens. and that is why i have always loved you. i knew from that first glistening moment and ever since
a close friend said to me a century or two ago,
"any experiment of interest in life will be carried out at your own expense".
this may be so spend well, my being in time
Don't bother bringing him along on your next tour of the old USA...leave em there...
ed in fl
Beautiful!
O.O
O.o
^_^
Just as a September born Church, after one too many Margueritas, opened the door for Donnie to a bad karmic 13th district in '63...it was inevitable that Donnie would one day return to the fold...to seek salvation, learn the truth, the meaning of life (and a little guitar on the side!).
For it was written from birth that Donnie would learn his ultimate lessons from the Church's holiest instrument...The Time Being
You see...Donnie, the King of Kwirky Kwotes, was born on the day of truth...the 9th of July.
And it is on this day of reckoning that the ultimate meaning of life, "42", is revealed...
"the troof the hole troof n nuffink but the troof"
You see, the answer to the question of the meaning of life lay in the asking of the questions themselves...all 42 pages of 'em!
Welcome home Donnie!
Care for a drink?
Bozehmoi... I have new respect (I think) for Mr. R.
"Once in a while, I'm...standing here, doing something... And I think, 'What in the world am I doing here?' It's a big surprise."
Donald Rumsfeld interview with the New York Times, May 16, 2001
Welcome to "The Time Being" Donnie!
Brilliant, SK.
.
Don't yer need two guitarist, I here Tony Blair can play (which is the whole reason he became a politician, lol).
leelinau
That's the best thing i've read all day!
sounds like yesterday's jam was a hoot.thanks for brightening my day.
heehee
xo
diane
This is absolutely, without question, the most recent blog you've ever written!!!
yeah, but how well does he play the marimbas??
and me thought me was going to be joining the band...
Jonny Hollywood
Give him a guitar, plug him into the Marshall cabinet set on "11," and let him stand in a big puddle of water to play. It's not torture, it's just harmless waterboarding. Would bring a warm smile to Cheney's fat neocon face.
JJ
the tension mounts, on with the body count
Security is going to be substantially more substantial on the next tour, I suppose.
Number one with a bullet!
I love Rummy joining the Church on Veteran's Day. He'll have his Air Force jet looking like Klaus Voorman's cover art on Revolver.
The Big Music meets the Big Oil.
'On rhythm guitar, the fossil fueled by fossil fuel, Donald fucking Rumsfeld. Take these motherfuckers South Baghdad, Don.... '
And he slams into the guitar riff on Roman.
what a great riff
from beginning to end
love that last line.crushes
i sure hope he doesnt think he can sing too!
btw, This eveing I strolled into this
local liquor store where I recently moved and
passingly asked, "Do you have Unicum?"
The salesboy replied, "Why yes, yes we do."
I just about freaked when he said yes, because I'd looked
for it elsewhere and most were like, "Unicorn? Uni-what?!"
Anyway he led me down the aisle and
whallah there it was. What a store. This package
even came with some nice cordial glasses to
serve it in.
Well, it was a bitter tonic at first
made me grimace at first really
but like scotch, it's an acquired taste right?
Well, it's moving on me now and it feels
really nice. like sitting in front of a glowing fireplace
with a warm fleece wrapped around your frame
And I'm kind of feeling amorous
maybe an aphrodisiac as well?
"Once in a while, I'm...standing here, doing something... And I think, 'What in the world am I doing here?' It's a big surprise."
(Donald Rumsfeld interview with the New York Times, May 16, 2001)
Oh, Donnie...you have evoked a "2001 Space (Rocker) Oddity" Spirit with your 2001 question.
And we here at "The Time Being" underbelly, in the spirit of July 9 soothsaying, have found you a July 9, 2001 answer!
(That's enough e-synchronicity for one day...I'm even starting to scare myself!!)
Brilliant SK,
You've got some outdoor gig in January, non?
Can I suggest a Keith Relf could be in the offing?
Love you more,
Dave M
Hope studio time went well with PK, MWP & TP. Looking forward to hearing the results when you've finished.
x
so donny boy showed up on 11.11 huh??........i'd keep my eyes on the door and my back against the wall if i were you......and by all means.......hide your car keys........no tellin' where you'll end up with him behind the wheel
Great blog, today, SK.
Hope it was a good day in the shtoodio yessaday!
Gee, why was i secretly hoping it really was tom verlaine?
c escherbach
Funny Steve, great way to end the slog that was a week.
You have lifted mah spirits and fused closed the nagging, raw canyon that work left. Tonight is going to be choice. Many thx.
ML,
don joe
I laughed so hard I may have to install a urinal in front of my laptop. Can you use a laptop standing up? What happens to your lap when you stand up? What other parts of your body disappear when you stand up?
These things worry me.
Brian
did donny observe two minutes silence? n.p.darkness(11/11)by van der graaf generator.----marty probablly has that one!
i sure hope he doesnt think he can sing too!
Haha! That's just what I was thinking Sue!!
That was hilarious! Well, I did feel kinda bummed when MWP and PK got killed off (and I haven't even seen a good pic of Marty's moustache yet either, dammit!). Then this South Parky voice popped up in my head and said "Ahhhh! They've killed Pete and Marty!" and I was back to laughing. (sorry guys, but I know you'll be back in next week's episode :-) ).
[Mr Burns]Excellent[/ Mr Burns]
"I fuckin' inhale...!!!!"
http://vidsearch.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1405700368
After politics there is only burlesque
HA! Orpheus,
I bet Rummy ran Robert Johnson over in his SUV while
suckin' down a Starbucks latte, in a Haliburton hat
makin' a better deal for Enron execs and buying
a vacation home in Florida, where they can't take
your home from you if you're prosecuted, talkin' on
the cell phone to Cheney to set up a duck hunting
date with Marty and Peter for a better deal from
Old Scratch for those skills.
whadda you think?
xo
Mary
hello pee pee man
Ah, but does he inhale through a sax while doing rude things to an intern with a cigar? And will she dry clean, or no?
i make zee peepee dance for Der Grandfazz
SK i watch you!
i eat nice tasties
you do not shack hand? we will see who is sorry now
I make the watching!
well i think marty and pete are better looking, but if rummy wants to toke and rock, well so be it. personally, i think he's better suited for the stones these days! keith won't really know if rummy's on stage too.
I smile at you throu windowss of house.
you dont see what i see.
i want you there in Der hotel tomb
I took my Heil, I took it down under
Moved to Bondi and I got turned around
When I saw my reflection in Kilbeys window pane
I knew the alcohol would brought him down
Oh, Black Sun in the sky
Where are my drugs
Can the aryan within my heart rise above
Can I Heil thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my reich
Well SK, Ive been afraid of changing
cause Ive built my life around you
But time makes you colder
Der Grandfasser got older
Im getting older too
Oh, take my Heil, take it down under
Moved to Bondi and I got turned around
I saw my reflection in SKs widows pain
I hope the alcohol will bring me down
If you see my reflection in the SKs widows shame
Well maybe the pills have brought him down
Steven,
Can I join the band, too? Can't really play any instruments, but you can fire up a doobie, sit me down in front of a synth with ample reverb units, and I'll crank out some ambient drones for ya.
-sirhc
n.p. Robert Carty, "Dreaming Earth Water Memories" (deep sky musick)
ehhh , that's not a knife !!!!!
not funny
bite
Hotel Tomb,
I played that audioclip in your blogger profile and my dog started barking at it.
good tale, sk, loved it!
careful though,
W will be looking for a gig
in a couple of years...
Hotel Tomb,
That is exactly what I was thinking. Why no posts on your blog? Throw us a bone would ya?
Steve,
Keep em coming I love these stories. I had to read this one twice I thought i was hallucinating from smoking too much Uranium.
Arbeit macht french fries!
brilliant sk just brilliant
I got a good laugh out of that one, good writing! :-)
Speaking of Rumsfield rolling a joint, this is hilarious - from that Scottish gentleman's comedy show:
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/295058/rumsfeld_is_very_talented
And no, I don't know how to insert the link directly here...
Daniel
Who the fuc is Hotel Tomb???
Oh, if only he really inhaled. We might not be in this mess.
John
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